Steely Dan Horoscopes to Celebrate Quantum Criminals

Take the STEELY ZO-DAN-IAC quiz to find out which character from the Steely Dan universe you are!

Lady Bayside, original artwork by Quantum Criminals author Joan LeMay
Lady Bayside by Joan LeMay

Steely Dan’s songs are exercises in fictional world-building. No one else in the classic-rock canon has conjured a more vivid cast of rogues and heroes, creeps and schmucks, lovers and dreamers and cold-blooded operators—or imbued their characters with so much humanity. Pulling from history, lived experience, pulp fiction, the lore of the counterculture, and their own darkly comic imaginations, Donald Fagen and Walter Becker summoned protagonists who seemed like fully formed people with complicated pasts, scars they don’t talk about, delusions and desires and memories they can’t shake. In the new book Quantum Criminals by Alex Pappademas and Joan LeMay, these Steely Dan characters leap off the page among short essays full of cultural context, wild speculation, inspired dot-connecting, and the occasional conspiracy theory to create a singular celebration of the Dan’s musical cosmos.

Discover your Quantum Constellation among the ramblers, wild gamblers, and other sole survivors from the Dan-iverse with our Quantum Criminals horoscopes! Take the quiz below, share with your friends, and get inspired to preorder a copy of the book from your favorite local bookstore!